I love you

EmmaLove 12/05/2011 1276 צפיות 4 תגובות

Today is November 25th. Exactly five years since that day he left me. The day he left life. You can say he was my everything. Before I met him all I did was stay in my house and think about my prince. Like every other year I went to the cemetery, to see his grave. –Flashback- “Hey, can you please tell me where is the man’s room?” A beautiful boy around my age asked me. “Yeah, sure. You go in that way and then turn right” I said and smiled. He smiled back and left.-End of flashback- That was the first time I saw Jack. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was too beautiful to stop thinking about him. I looked down at the chain that was resting around my neck. I remember the day he gave it to me. –Flashback- “Do it and I swear I’ll kill you” I said while running away, laughing. “Nah, you can’t kill me. You love me too much” Jack said and run after me. “I never said I love you” I said teased and run faster. “But you know you do” He said and catch me. We both fell on the ground. Him on top of me. “No I don’t” I said, lying. Of-course I love him. I loved him from the first second I saw him. From the first second he asked me there the man’s room is. This is Jack and mine 3rd date. I was still shocked when he asked me to go on a date for the first time. After he left the man’s room. “You hurt my feeling” He said like a little boy and got up from me. “Aww, I’m sorry” I said and messed his hair. “Where are you going?” He asked after I got up from the grass. “I don’t know… I feel like walking” I said and giggled. “Oh. Okay, so wait for me” He said and run to my direction. When he came to my side he connected our fingers together. I felt butterflies in my stomach when he did it. We kept walking until we got up to the mall. “Oh look at this necklace it’s so beautiful!” I said and looked at the jewelry store that was in-front of us. “Yeah, she’s fine” he said and we kept walking. “I need to go to the toilet” Jack said and let go of my hand. “Oh, okay. I’ll be there” I said and pointed on of the stores who was there. “Okay” He said and kiss my cheek and then left. He came back after something like 10 min with a bag in his hand. “What is it?” I asked and giggled. “Surprise” He said and smiled. “Turn” he said and I did what he asked, even thou I didn’t knew why. All of a sudden I felt something resting on my neck. I looked down and saw the necklace from the store I saw. “Omg! I can’t believe it! You bought if for me?” I asked exited. “Yes” Jack said and smiled at me. “Omg. Thank you so much. But I can’t have it, it’s too expansive.” I said and with sad look. “I don’t care. I want you to have it. Please” He said and pulled is puppy face. I couldn’t resist. “Thnak you so much” I said and hugged him tight. “Anytime” He said and hugged back. –End of flashback- a tear fell from my eye. I miss you Jack. –Flashback- “Wow, this place it beautiful” I said amazed as we entered the restaurant. “I knew you’ll like it” Jack said and we sat down. “Listen Sam, there is something I wanted to tell you for long time now” He said all serious. “Yeah?” I asked with smile on my face. “Well, ever since I asked you where the man’s room is I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were too beautiful to stop thinking about. When you said yes to go on our first date I never felt happier in my all life. And then I got to know you, and know how amazing you’re. And how lucky I am. I guess what I really want to say is that… I love you Sam. I really do” he said and held my hand. I was shocked. I couldn’t say a word. I never knew he loves me. I mean… like? Sure. But love? I was speechless. “I will understand if you don’t feel the same, but I just needed to tell yo-” He started to say but I didn’t let him finished. I hovered over the table and kissed him. For the first time. I felt like the world stopped spinning and like we’re the only one here. My stomach was about to explode. It was amazing. Eventually I broke the kiss and looked at him in the eyes. “I love you too” I said and smiled. –End of flashback- “Why you have to go to that stupid club Jack? Why you have to drive drunk? I told you to stay home.” I talked to myself as tear kept falling from my eyes. –Flashback- Jack didn’t answer his phone. He went to a club with his friends. He promised that he will call as soon as he comes home. Well it like 4am and he didn’t called yet. I tried to call a few time myself but the voice mail answered every time. A knock on the door stopped my thoughts. “Jack?!” I yelled as I run to the door direction. Praying with all of my heart that was him. I opened the door and saw two police people. That can’t be good. “Mrs. Jonson?” One of them asked me. “Y-yeah?” I asked and a tear fell from my eye. Like I knew what happened. “We’re sorry but-” The other said but I cut him off. “I want to see him” I said with black expression on my face. “Come with us” he said and hugged me. I hate when people act from mercy but this time I didn’t care, I just wanted to see my Jack. They took me down to the hospital. I still can’t believe the reason I’m here for. “Here” They say and pointed at one of the doors. “May I?” I asked and another tear fell from my eye. “Yes, sure” They said in sympathy. I took small steps to the door direction, afraid to see what’s behind it. I opened the door slowly and gasped as I saw my lifeless Jack lying there. Scratches were all over his face and hands and a few bruises too. “Jack” I whisper as I walked to the bed. “What have you done to yourself?” I asked and held his hand. “Why you left me?” Was all I could ask. Now the tear fell non stop. My vision became blurry and the bed became watery. I stayed there with him until the morning, talking to him. Asking him question, like he was able to answer me. I knew it was worthless but I needed to talk to him. –End of flashback- I finally made it to the cemetery in one peace. For the first three years I wasn’t able to drive myself but somehow I did it. I walked over to his grave with flowers in my hand. “Jack smith – a friend, brother, son and husband” I read again what was written on the tombstone. I looked at my right hand and looked at my wedding ring. “Hey baby” I said and sat on the grass next to him. “I missed you” I said and laid the flowers next to me. “Nothing really changed from the last time I was here. Your mom still likes to drew. Your dad and Adam really bond lately. You know? He look just like you” I said and smiled. Adam is our son. Jack didn’t had the chance to meet him. And Adam didn’t had the chance to meet his father. But he did heard a lot about him. “He’s going to be 5 in 3 months. Our boy grow up so fast” I said and tears fell from my eye. “I wish he could see hid father” I said and looked at the photo of Jack that was there. “One day he’ll come here and I’ll tell him everything about you. About how amazing you are.” I said and lyed there next to his grave. “I miss you Jack. And I love you” I said and closed my eyes. Letting the minutes pass.

I love you
דרוג הסיפור 4 | 1 מדרגים

תגובות (4)

זה פשוט מדהים!!! :)

12/05/2011 21:03

תודה 3>

15/05/2011 15:59

שלום לך.
קודם כל, את כותבת נהדר! הסיפור מעניין, אפילו שהוא מעט עצוב. אבל לפעמים צריך קצת סיפורים עצובים, נכון?
יש לי מספר הערות בשבילך, שאני מקווה שיעזרו לך בהמשך דרכך.
קודם כל: שמתי לב שבסיפור שלך כאשר דמות מסויימת אומרת דבר מה, אינך מוסיפה רווח. מה שגורם למשפטים להראות לא ברורים. במידה ותקפידי לעשות “אנטר” בין אמירה לאמירה יהיה הרבה יותר קל לקרוא את הסיפור המדהים שכתבת.
בנוסף, הינך משתמת בסימן הנקודה הרבה מאוד, והינך משמיטה פסיקים, מה שגורם למשפטים להראות סופניים והחלטיים, והם לא נמשכים הרבה זמן.
הפסיק נועד להפרדה בין שני חלקי משפט הקשורים זה לזה ביותר, או לכל מה שדמיונך מצריך אותם, יהיה הרבה יותר קל ומהנה לקרוא סיפור עם יותר פסיקים.
ולבסוף: כל הכבוד על הסיפור המדהים הזה. שפת הכתיבה מאוד גבוהה, ובתור מישהי שכתבה סיפור של 70 עמודים באנגלית אני יודעת להעריך כתיבה גבוהה. מי יודע, אולי יום אחד נזכה לראות את שמך מתנוסס על גבי כריכה של ספר עבה.

06/06/2011 15:34

תודה רבה על הביקורת הבונה, אקח זאת לתשומת ליבי.
אני שמחה שנהנת מהסיפור (:
עברתי תקופה לא קלה וסיפור עצוב הראה כמו פיתרון טוב, מי יודע… אולי אחרי הכל זה מה שצריך בשביל להוציא ממך את הטוב ביותר.
אשתדל לייסם את הערותייך בדבר הבא שאכתוב (:


06/06/2011 16:13
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