Why couldn’t you be that guy?
The guy I run into at the park..
Both of us have these awkward smiles on our faces, and then you start talking, say you just moved to the city and were exploring around, hoping to meet new people
The guy that asks you out after some flirting..
I say that I can show you around if you’d like and we both walk around, laughing about how difficult it is to live in the big city while eating some ice cream, and just before I have to go back to work, you ask for my phone number
The guy who comes to pick me up..
You don’t have a car, so instead you bring roller skates with you, hoping that at least I know how to ride them, cause you never tried.
We fall a few times, mainly because you keep dragging me down with you :) but we always get back up
The guy who makes sacrifices for me..
I call you late at night, screaming that I saw a rat in my apartment! You put the first thing you find on yourself and rush into my house, just to find out that I got scared from the chewing toy that my dog left in the bathroom
The guy who is always there..
After the rat-chewing-toy saga, and a LOT of laughter from your side, you suggest to stay over, just so I would feel safe in between your arms :)
Instead of sleeping, we watch a marathon of some tacky show.
Soon enough, Netflix asks us if we’re still there, but we’re not.. You can ask my neighbors ;)
The guy that I know I’m gonna marry one day!
We go to meet my parents, I’ve never seen you so freaked out!
“They’re gonna love you!” I say, “as far as I know them, they’ll just be happy that you have a heartbeat :)” I add, hoping to make you more relaxed. And it works! You laugh with your beautiful smile that I love so much.
You give my mom the roses that we picked up earlier from the park (hey! Don’t judge, you know how expensive rent is! They really left us no choice..)
And show amazing political skills when you talk to my dad! I didn’t even know you had that in you.
We have the best dinner I’ve had in a long time, so good that my mom can’t stop talking about you for the next few weeks!
And you were afraid they wouldn’t love you!..
The guy who’s ALWAYS there for me..
You get my text and rush into my house, only to find me crying my eyes out as I tell you I just got fired today.. You promise me that everything’s gonna be OK and go out of your way just to put a smile on my face. You even cook my favorite meal – burnt mac & cheese, as you pour me some wine and make me a hot tub to relax in, saying you’ll always be there for me and that we’ll go through these times – together, no matter how difficult they are.
You make me sit and spit everything out, listening carefully to every word I have to say and holding me in your comforting arms, telling me how great I am and how much they’re going to regret ever letting me go.
We end up staying up all night, just being in each others arms as you sing me to sleep while kissing my forehead and wiping my tears away..
I wake up, feeling safer than ever with a huge smile on my face
The guy who’s always full of surprises!
We go to the park where we first met, the birds are tweeting, the sun is shining (but not too much, though.. I didn’t bring my sunglasses) and there’s a kid selling ice cream near the tree. You’re telling me to wait on the bench while you buy us both my favorite flavor :)
You sit alongside me, bend on your knees
“Listen, you know how much I love you, don’t you? I can surely say that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me since I moved to the city a year and a half ago. We’ve been through so much ever since and I want you to know how much you mean to me and how much you worth. I mean – I don’t think I ever laughed as much in my life as I laugh with you! You’re sweet, and kind, you’re always there to listen to me, whether it’s about what that dude from work told me, or my biggest hopes and dreams! You’re the single person I can say I trust my life with, you’re my BEST friend and I cherish you for that! I know you hate clichés but I truly feel that you make me a better man. And because of that, I think you should know something..
I never told you WHY I moved to the city.. Of course, you know that I was looking for the big break, hoping to make it in the city where everything is possible, but that’s not the only reason..
I came because I wanted to escape my past.. But my past came here looking for me, and she found me.. Remember the day you thought you had a rat in your place? That was the day I saw her, standing by my front door.. Ever since we broke up she couldn’t let go of me, and although I thought that I did, and that she belongs to the past now, apparently I couldn’t let her go, either.. All the feelings I thought I got rid of came rushing back in, hitting me the hardest they can, and I just fell apart.. Losing every little piece of sanity I thought I had in me! That night, when I came to your house? I couldn’t stop thinking about her.. When I touched you.. When I felt you.. When I kissed you.. I was thinking of her. And every time since then – when we were.. together.. – I was thinking of her!”
You start slowly kissing my hands as I’m trying to understand the words that keep coming out of your mouth.
“I promise you – nothing happened between us! I told her I moved on and so should she, but she wouldn’t listen to me.. She got the cheapest apartment she could afford to rent and insisted on waiting for me, even if this would take an eternity.
You gotta understand! She was the love of my life! And if it wasn’t for her parents – I think.. No, I KNOW we would still be together!
That’s all, I just wanted you to know who the person you’re living with really is..”
Your eyes start filling up with water as I just stare at a dot far far away from us..
“You deserve so much better than this! And I’m so fucking sorry about this situation, but I just couldn’t let you and myself live in a lie.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Please, just say something! Anything!”
I sit there for a minute.. five minutes.. an hour.. At some point, I stop counting..
When I finally come to my senses, I get up and start walking away, as I’m slowly falling apart from the inside.. Looking for the nearest bridge.
You could have been the man of my life!
But instead, you’re just the guy who’s now breaking my heart..